Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Junk Mail

I...have beaten the system. You know that junk mail you get? Those wonderful credit card applications that are just waiting to get your identity stolen? Well, if you've ever wondered how to get rid of them, here's what you do: write them back.

Last summer I recieved a few applications from Citi Bank and Bank of America and since they sent me a postage paid envelope, I decided to put it to good use. I stretched my sarcastic muscles and poked fun at the "personal" messages they were sending me, thanking the VPs for taking time out of their busy schedules to write to each and every person they want to get their card. I also told them that they should pay more attention to their printing because the perferations and folds didn't work with the envelope they'd sent me--such things encourage individuals to fold their applications in unique ways that keeps them from lying flat and thus increasing the amount of time that the peons in reception must spend with each application (I then thanked the peons for their hard work and encouraged them to ask for a raise). It should be no surprise that for that application I folded a paper airplane.

I also told BOA that it was idiotic that their customers would agree to a plan where they get 1%, 2%, or 3% back on their purchases after paying $5 a month service fee--if I was a customer and such a fee were absolutely necessary, I would tell them to keep their cash back and don't charge me. I'm going to use my card to pay for something independently of what I receive for it--It would be a waste of effort for me to change banks purely becuase one or another is offering me some "carrot". But I would change if they're charging me unfairly.

But anyway, my campaign to spend a few minutes replying to any junkmail that comes with a postage paid envelope paid off. I haven't recieved a credit card application in 8 months--I'm the only person who lives in this house who is application free, though I have offered to write letters for them.

Oh, I also used the outside of the envelopes to thank our postal workers.

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