Tipping

One of my favorite time waster sites is notalwaysright.com where all service workers can go to vent.

This brings me to tipping. I really like to pay for my meal with my card, but leave the tip in cash (usually well more than 15%). I wonder if any of my waiters think I'm a bitch only to be pleasantly surprised when the clear the table. It makes me feel good that generally overworked, underappreciated people can do what they want with their tips instead of having to rely on whatever computer system or boss to make sure they get their tips.

In many states, it's still law that waitresses can be paid below minimum wage so long as their tips bring them up to at least the minimum. Their bosses are supposed to suppliment their wages to make sure they get minimum wage, but often times managers don't do this and/or won't--especially for new staff members with little experience.

Dakota Born by Debbie Macomber

Sigh. I'm reading this because the books I really want to read won't be available at the library until at least Tuesday. Let's just say that the first 35 pages make me want to hurl the book across the room, but maybe there's something that will redeem it. It's not a bad book per se, just not my cup of tea.

Sarah Stern is the epitome of why I cringe when someone says they come from a "sheltered" life. Sheltered, in my opinion, is what makes you make stupid decisions early in life. 'Course, the opposite extreme leaves you in the same boat. I dunno--maybe I'm a freak of nature. My parent's lifestyle and my own shyness left me very sheltered physically, but I've always been allowed to read whatever I wanted. At 12 I graduated myself to the teen shelf and a half dozen books later I decided that teenagers are stupid and hit the adult shelves. 'Course then I learned that adults are gross and/or have this weird idea of what makes for a great adventure (Tolkien influence--the more made up words the better) and wasn't happy until I found the Holy Grail when we switched to the VA Beach library and their teen section is all the books I loved as a child plus soo much more (i.e. anything not a picture book, but without the sex). I have no idea why Norfolk has such a stupid system for separating their teen books.

Anyone who says you can't learn anything from "pulp fiction" is a pompous hipster. Everything those stupid teen books were "supposed" to teach me about life, but really just made me want to hurl, I could usually find either explicitly or implicitly within whatever book I actually enjoyed. Need a rant about why you shouldn't commit suicide because some jealous "frienemy" (is that really how that's spelled?) posts photoshopped raunchy photos of you on the school website? Go read Sherrilyn Kenyon's Infamous. V.C. Andrews' stuff really isn't worth the paper it's written on. And don't get me started on Twilight. Trust me, if you read any of Kenyon's Dark-Hunters books, you'll know what it really means to leave the person you love to save their life (or even offer yourself to Death) with lovely ladies who look at their men and say "Sweetie, I know you mean well, but let the real brains be in charge. 'kay?" and then she proceeds to kick ass, take names, and really show her commitment to him. Not lie on a couch for four months wondering where her life went. GAG!

So yeah...here I am reading something only 40+ year old women would actually enjoy. Maybe I'm just a feminist, but seriously?! Man says day one that he doesn't want to marry and you stick around for 2 years? Ever read Dear Abby?!? It's not a hard equation. I don't mean to make my mother's generation feel bad, but it's obvious that crap like this sells because women want to fantasize about a world where their bad decisions are...okay(?)--that there's some hero who's going to save her from the life she's made for herself.

Yeah, I'm the first to defend the fact that women marrying in the '80s got the damn short end of the stick--do you do as your mother? Or as your independent older sister? You have no clue as to whether to go with the status quo or to strike out on your own is the best choice. Thirty years later, most likely you're realizing that you made a poor decision when you married and threw your own dreams down the toilet, just like your mother did. But I don't know how much good we're doing for them when we give them books like this that say "it's okay to be unhappy in life so long as there's a man to stand by you". But maybe it's a different genre where you find the ladies who go back to school and pick up their lives as though they didn't spend 30 years in a crappy marriage and oh, find the man of their dreams (Hey! I like romances! If the Princess and the Goat-Herder don't get together at the end, I'm highly upset. And I'm still not sure that the Dark-Hunters aren't 'erotica for beginners'.)

There's something else I feel I need to address. When I first picked this book off my mother's shelf, I read thorugh the comments on Good Reads. Someone mentioned being insulted by the fact that N. Dakota isn't like it's protrayed here. They don't all have one room school houses. Well, that's an interesting way to look at it, but still completely wrong. I have a lot of home schooled pen pals, most of whom live in rural areas. I haven't asked them all, but there's only 2 reasons to home school an otherwise average kid (medical and psychological reasons notwithstanding)--the local schools suck or for religious reasons. I'm willing to go out on a limb and say that you could find at least one location within each state in the US where a one room school house for high school could exist comfortably (less than 20 kids from more than one family). So yes, while it would be stupid to say that all of N. Dakota go to school in one room school houses, it is equally ignorant to say that a one room school house is a backwards way to learn. A couple years ago a school with, I guess, 10 kids in it was shown on the news--the kids had better scores because the older ones were teaching the younger ones and it was essentially constant review without the tediousness of review. It's one of the many benefits of homeschooling (actually, my only problem/worry with homeschooling is whether a kid can learn the advanced classes without a qualified teacher--though many families are turning towards "distance learning" rather than true homeschooling (based on my own understanding/use of definitions) to combat this.)

Self-Reflection Time

Sigh...do you know how freaky it is to look at your hands and suddenly KNOW that they're tiny?!? I mean, 90% of the time I'm like, "oh look, hands. They can carry stuff." Occasionally I'll have to take three trips because I just physically can't carry 4 large green peppers, so it will register that my hands are small. What freaking freaks me out is when I'm sitting here reading a book and it mentions the "humongously large" hands of the 6'8" guy and I get the whole out of body experience of viewing my hand next to someone that large and wondering why my whole hand fits in their palm.

Yes, I had a friend in high school that tall (though he was skinny as a rail) and for the record, I'm 4' 10.5" in height. My hands ARE freakishly small, but, like the rest of me, proportionate to my frame. It's just every once in a while I just have these moments of "AHHHH! Whose hands are these?!?"

I've never met anyone over the age of 12 whose hands are smaller than mine, though, alas, I'd kill to be fairy thin. For some reason, those who know me also forget about my freakishly small size--I guess I carry myself as though I was someone 6'2", 250 lbs. 'Course, they never forget when they need an armrest....le' sigh.

Silkspeech

Mystical, demonic power, taught by  Death himself...and you can learn it too!

"Silkspeech is the power of influence and control....The ability to sway other people to believe what you want them to believe or to do what you want them to." [Death]

"Like mind control?" [Nick]

"Yes and no. Mind control won't work on thse who are really hardheaded. You know....Creatures like you."

Well, if it only worked some of the time--"Then what good is it?"

"Fine." Grim (Grim Reaper AKA Death) headed for the door. "If you don't want to learn it."

"Wait, wait, wait. I didn't say that. I want to influence others." Especially if it could change his mom's attitude about dating, driving, chores...(Nick is 15 years old).

Yeah, it had a lot of possibilities. With luck, he might not ever have to take out trash again!

Grim turned around slowly. "Word to the wise, short stack, when you do use this power, you have to be careful. LIke all the others, it can sometimes come with a desvastating side effect."

"Like waht?"

"It could cause someone to kill themself. Alter their fate. Impact you in ways you won't know about until it's too late."

Oh goodie. Another power he couldn't count on. Just what he wanted.

At this rate, he wasn't sure why he was being trained. It was like giving nuts to a squirrel who had no teeth.

Nick let out a heavy sigh. "All these powers and the only one that actually works is the ability to call for help--and that one only so long as Caleb isn't in the shower or with a woman. Why can't one...just one power work the way it's supposed to?"

Grim's expression was wicked and cold. "Technically, they do. The problem is every human is different and they react to stimuli in ways unique t them. That's what you can't count on and it's what makes you powers appear to misfire. Before you use them, you have to take time to know your target."

Nick frowned. "I don't understand."

"Yes, you do. It's instinctive in you, and it's why you gravitate toward some people and run from others." Grim picked up one of the porcelain dolls Nick's mom collected and studied it as he talked. "Let's take the term 'redneck.' Some people think of it as a badge of honor. Others as the ultimate insult." He returned the doll to its shelf. "Originally, the word had an entirely different association and meaning. Back in the day, rednecks were union coal men from Pennsylvania, West Virginia, and eastern Kentucky-a far cry from the Deep South where most people mistakenly believe all rednecks live. They were from all races and creeds, and proudly wore a red bandana around their neck as a way of identifying themselves to others, and as a mark of solidarity of the working man standing up against the big corporations who exploited them. In sort, they were folk heroes and admired."

Nick widened his eyes. When Grim and Kyrian talked about history, it was interesting. When his teacher did it, it put him to sleep. "Really?"

Grim nodded. "It took decades before it was twisted into a derogatory term. Happens a lot with language. The word 'war' once meant to be cautious, as in 'warning'. 'Precocious' originally meant 'stupid.' But I digress. The point is, Slim, people have triggers. Words or images that cause a surge of negative emotion to run rampant through them. If I were to call your friend Bubba a redneck, he'd laugh and agree. If I were to call your friend Mark that, he'd be extrememly offended and probably, to his detriment, try to punch me. Whenever you attempt silkspeech, you have to understand how it might adversely affect your target. If you accidently hit that person's trigger, then you could end up with a violent response instead of a positive one. Or vice versa."

Nick nodded as he followed Grim's teaching. It was something he'd been doing for years, especially with jerks and bullies like Stone at school. "So what you're saying is I have to learn what buttons to push."

"Exactly."

"That's basic psychlogy, Grim. How's that supposed to be a power?"
.....pause for two pages discussing Nick's specific powers, Nick's inability to stay on subject ("like trying to train an ADD cat in a mouse factory") and how everyone treats Nick like a kid (If you want respect from others, you have to give it--Nick's mom)

[Nick] "All right. You have my undivided attention."

"That'll last three seconds," Grim said under his breath. "Honestly, if I didn't know better, I'd swear you're not the Malachai. It mystifies me that someone as worthless as you could have any power whatsoever. You were born white trash and that's all you'll ever be." He raked Nick with a scathing sneer. "You're nothing."

Rage darkened Nick's gaze. Blood rushed through his veins so fast that his entire body heated up to the level of molten lava. "I ain't nothing, boy. You about to find out just what I can do."

Grim laughed. "That's it. I finally do have yur attention, and you've just learned the first lesson of influence. You use your divination and clairvoyance to strike the nerves of the person you're trying to manipulate. Even someone with a will as strong as yours can be influenced. Not with your mind, rather with your mouth or actions. I can't control you, but I can set you off and manipulate you to have the emotional  or physically response I want you to. That is one power no one is immune to."

--Passage from Infamous by Sherrilyn Kenyon

Prone

When used to describe the way a person is lying, it means that they're face down. I'm kinda annoyed that I've read 3 or 4 books lately where this word was used, but the rest of the actions don't necessarily make anatomical sense.

For instance, I'm reading Seize the Night by Sherrilyn Kenyon (Dark-Hunter Series). Ash is lying prone on the bed and while I'll allow for Katra to look at him the way she does while his back is supposedly towards her, maybe able to see half of his face, how on Earth could she hold the 3 leaves she needs to revive him above his mouth while she wrings them to allow the precious liquid to drop into his mouth? Greek Goddess or not, that must have been some feat with his body positioned the way it is.

Another book I was reading turned the couple into contortionists because he was lying prone underneith her as they wrestled.

I really don't know what's going on. I'm not sure if the author did intend for the guys to be face down, and then forgot to roll them over before the next action happened or if for some reason the definition of this word has been lost--or maybe it's the subtlty that was lost with it becoming a generic word for lying down, instead of a specific position.

For future reference, supine means to lie face up. And on Merriam-Webster.com (which requires a subscription for some of the less common words for some reason!) it has a "40%" popularity while prone is at about "70%" (I'm giving the popularity meter numbers), makes me wonder just how much people know about the words.

Hell's Kitchen

is one of my favorite shows. I LOVE how delusional these contenstants are the first few weeks. They're going to nominate a player who they know wasn't the worst because they stupidly think that Chef will take their choices seriously and will choose the one that they hate. This isn't a popularity contest and after 9 seasons, you'd think they'd know that. If I was the second nominee I'd stand up with honor and when confronted by Chef, I wouldn't...thank-you Roshni! She told him that she was picked not because she was worst, but because they knew she wouldn't go home.

Chef Ramsey already knows, generally, who he wants to send home...the nomination process just helps him weed out tensions going on behind the scenes and to see who is going to throw their teammates under the bus. This is why I don't watch the popularity contest shows (well, except for America's Got Talent, but then, I don't really care who wins or loses--the talents are just cool to watch).

Priviledged Information

I'm watching the Real Housewives of New Jersey and this chaos between Theresa and her brother brings me to Lesson in B.S. #3043--if anyone ever says "this needs to stay between you and me" you need to turn around immediately and walk away. Just walk away. And you need to teach your children especially this lesson because we all know that Pedofiles always start out by saying "don't tell your parents...they won't understand", etc.

I hold the "definition of pornography" very close to my heart. You know, the one that says "I know it when I see it". Secrets are the same way. Don't share anything you don't want blabbed across the country and don't surround yourself with people you know can't keep a secret. When you quit trying, you will meet people who you can trust. People who instintively know what is a secret that should be kept and which are better told.

If you care to know about me, my rule is that if I think you should be telling the other responsible party rather than me, I'm going to tell you that. And if I know the other person and suspect that they'll talk to me about the issue, I'm going to tell you the truth that I will discuss my interpretation of the problem from your perspective. I instintively play devil's advocate so I never take the side of whomever I'm speaking no matter what. I hope that doesn't make me come across as fake, so it's a good thing I don't have a reality tv show. But on the flip-side, I don't spread rumors. I know that there are some secrets that should be kept (like who likes who--I spent my teens getting burned whenever I revealed a crush--I think that's why I'm so repressed now. So yeah, I hope there's a special place in Hell for those people who tease their "friends" and family about who their crush is. But I digress.) and I would NEVER spread something secret worthy to anyone but the directly involved parties.

The problem with the Housewives is that the majority of them seem to magically think that the girls who hurt them once won't hurt them again. They try to hard to be friends or something.

But this leads directly into the primary problem between Theresa and her brother--should a husband and wife be allowed to share everything in cofidence? The answer is a resounding yes. And in the specific case of them? Make that a HELLZ YES. If you tell your brother that you think his wife is cheating on him, you should EXPECT him to go tell her that. Otherwise you sound like a whiny little bitch who doesn't like her sister-in-law and doesn't want to discuss the reasons why she doesn't like her. What did Theresa expect? That he'd take his sister's word blindly and divorce her? Really? But then there is not one instance I can think of where I agreed with Theresa on an issue. She is self-centered and never wrong according to herself. Of all the housewives, she has not one redeeming quality. And to think that I didn't like Caroline at first.

And this is why I like the Real Housewives--it's like free therapy of what NOT to do.

I am THAT person

and damn proud of it.

I go the speed limit and I stop at yellow lights. I stop at stop signs and there's no telling how long I'll wait to turn right on red...if I even decide to turn. Oh...I stop before I turn right on red, too!

If you honk at me, I'll be even more careful about following traffic laws. If you don't like it, get off your butt and petition local government to change the laws.

I don't belong to a society of instant gratification...I'm THAT person. My license plate says "PATIENCE".

NYC Large Soda Ban

I'd actually like to have a defaulted smaller soda size--when I order a fast food combo, I picture what a small is...more often than not they hand me what I call a medium, or even large, size. I don't need more than 12 or 14 ounces of soda and I certainly never need 20, 24, or 40 ounces.

Soda is cheap--fast food restaurants practically give it away. Most offer free refills. So why can't they just give me a smaller cup? What is the difference between giving me a 24 ounce cup and expecting me to fill it twice (for the road) and giving me a twelve ounce cup and I fill it twice while eating then once more for the road? Actually, it saves the restaurant money because I take a net 12 ounces less.

Do I agree with the government mandating it? No. EXCEPT that I felt physically ill when some representative of the CATO Institute going so far as to say that "obesity isn't a public health issue; it's a private health issue". You know me. Anyone who doesn't have private health insurance IS on public health whether it's medicare, medicaid or just walking into a hospital with no ability to pay the bill in full.

Look, the reality is that so long as taxpayer money is footing the bill, I should get to say that you can't drink yourself to death. So, either agree to using smaller soda cups or say goodbye to health care as we have it--no private insurance, you'll die.

If I was going to fix health care, all I'd do is remove the law that says that a hospital has to admit you independently of your insurance status. Congress would suddenly be inundated with calls from sick people and those with sick relatives wondering how they're supposed to live when they can't get insurance and can't get government coverage either. I wonder how many Republicans will suddenly think a health insurance mandate and laws which make it easier to get and keep health insurance is a good idea.

Remember, Conservatives believe that you should plan for your own future, right? Don't rely on the government to care for you when you're old and sick.